Recently, my well planned and comfortable life took an unexpected turn when my sweetheart got a really bad case of Shingles, which sapped his vitality dramatically. There was no question in my mind that I was going to be there for him in his healing. I dropped everything, rescheduled all my appointments and commitments and found someone to care for the cats and take care of the businesses.
During the many weeks that followed, a less than snail-speed recovery and his testy refusal to eat or drink, I became very frustrated. I mourned the loss of my regular life punctuated by regular weekly visits from my sweetie. I had had the freedom to write, rest and ride horseback in between taking care of my business management obligations. Now, I was away from the comfort of my home and hardly had the time or the energy to check my email. In the whirlwind of chaos caused by trying to juggle two worlds, I questioned and re-evaluated my role in my relationship and wondered where I was going, what I was going to do and why.
I realized that during my whole life, to one degree or another, I had let others tell me how to live, what to do and how to run my business. I traditionally sacrificed my wants and needs to satisfy another. My sweetie's health condition and my concern and sense of duty to him, seemed like once again, I had to deny what I really wanted. I found myself feeling resentful. I also understood that by listening to everyone else's ideas, and subjugating my own desires, that I really didn't know my true self, even though I've been studying ways to uncover it for most of my life. It is very easy for me (and for others, too) to fool myself and pretend I don't know who I am, when really I do. After all, I feared someone might reject me if I revealed my true nature. Trying to please and appease others also made it hard to know what I really wanted in my life. Obviously, my sweetie was a priority, since I had dropped everything to take care of him. It was time to be really honest with myself. I came face-to-face with many of my fears, especially the one about “what would happen to me if my sweetie died?”. With the help of a gratitude practice, oracle cards and several good friends, I was able to navigate a course through an emotional sea and retain my health and sanity. My Spirit Team, speaking through the cards, told me to let go of expectations, stop trying to control something that was not controllable, and take a leap of faith, surrender and go with the flow. Easier said than done! The gratitude prayers and noticing the awe-inspiring beauty in the nature around me helped to keep me grounded and slowed the squirrel cage filled with worries in my head.
We all have challenging situations in our lives. When we are immersed in an emotionally charged situation, it's really easy to get trapped in lower vibrational states and forget that we can get out of those states quite simply. Reminders from the oracle cards guided me to see the best in my situation. Gratitude raises your natural vibrational state, helps you feel better, see your situations from a different perspective and can have a grounding and relaxing effect upon you. When you are in a state of gratitude, you stand calmly in the eye of the storm, knowing all is well and there is a path through the maelstrom. I'd like to share some of my favorite gratitude statements and practices with you. You're invited to sign up for a series of short videos describing how you can easily make gratitude a part of your daily life and in time, have it become automatic. The videos also describe techniques I learned quite by chance, that amplify and enhance the gratitude exercises. They are very easy and effective tools.
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My sweetie is still very weak and my time is still mostly dedicated to his healing. I am grateful for this whole situation and for the opportunity to take a look at my life and make some course corrections. I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to redefine my role and claim my value in the relationship. The experience has caused me to get really honest with myself and let go of old behaviors that no longer benefit me. Imagine what a gratitude practice can go for you.